13/01/11

Read this article on How and Why to Start a Journal which kinda got me inspired to start writing again once again. In a different way.

I’ve been running blogs for a long time now, even before it was given that term. Which by the way, what is in the name anyway. What’s a blog? But anyway I digress.

Previously, when writing articles, I tend to clamp up thinking alot about whether I will offend anybody with my writing, or what others (friends, family) would think of me when they read my articles. This makes it very easy for me to second-guess myself and eventually just either throw the story out into the trash out of frustration.

I think its better if I keep things private so as to be given the liberation to write whatever I want without fear. Although eventually these stories will have to be public or at least given to my loved ones to read about sometime in the future, but you know, lets worry about it when we get there.

So yesterday I met up with my previous executive committee and council members from SMUSA/SAC. I haven’t seen them in a long time. Although I do bump into some of them individually as we’re walking to class, its mostly a ‘hi’, ‘bye’ kind of thing.

Yesterday was the first time we had been together in a group since leaving office at the end of 2009. I didn’t know what to expect and I came dressed a little more formal than my usual relaxed self. I wore a buttoned up polo shirt, my trademark bermudas and the nice pair of loafers that the guys (jq, joseph, the girls) have given me.

Why? I’m not one to like to dress up, much less at a gathering whom I didn’t really want to go in the first place.

I think I have a crush over Rachel Kok. But I don’t think its the normal lovey-dovey kind of crush. I don’t know how to explain it, but I don’t feel my heart beating fast, or show any signs of symptoms, just that I can’t stop thinking about her.

I keep remembering the little ‘signals’ she used to give me back when we were in office. How she would sometimes confine in me, a geeky, shy and nerdy IT boy, about her problems. Back then I was a serious fool, always trying to maintain professionalism, not smiling or laughing that often, and even keeping to myself alot.

I should had perhaps had the balls to see if she’s really interested in me, although why would she? I’m unattractive, plump, introverted and downright boring.

Perhaps I should had just asked her out then, but if I did and failed, it would be terribly awkward facing her in exco meetings.

Rachel gave me a little pouch she got from Shanghai. She said when she saw it, it reminded her of me because of its communist slogans. She knew I was a political geek. I took it and gave her my thanks, but I feel like I was abit too cold, shy with the reply. I couldn’t express myself.

I sent her an SMS this morning to tell her I appreciated the gift. I wonder if its too obvious or out of the blue.

I don’t know if I have a chance with her again, but time will tell. I’m already 25, not getting young and still single. I need to do something.